26 May 2011

12 Blessed is the one you discipline, LORD,
the one you teach from your law;
13 you grant them relief from days of trouble,
till a pit is dug for the wicked.
14 For the LORD will not reject his people;
he will never forsake his inheritance.
15 Judgment will again be founded on righteousness,
and all the upright in heart will follow it.
16 Who will rise up for me against the wicked?
Who will take a stand for me against evildoers?
17 Unless the LORD had given me help,
I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death.
18 When I said, “My foot is slipping,”
your unfailing love, LORD, supported me.
19 When anxiety was great within me,
your consolation brought me joy.

Lord God, you see, after all these years, I’m still committing the same mistake, same sin. It became a spike at my back, and seems growing stronger all the time. You know, I’m quite fed up with it. But I must admit that while all the things when they happened, I enjoyed them, and knowing this only make me feel even more guilty and painful. And I’m not able to do anything about them. Not in the past, not now, though I hope I won’t do them again, it seems that I just can’t get rid of them.

For once instance, I thought, maybe you are right, it’s better to get married instead of letting myself burn to dead. But I can I marry someone I may not love? More importantly, I seem to lose to ability to love a maiden, the holy way, the serious way, the sincere way. What shall I do? Get a call and “buy” a wife from maybe Vietnam or Cambodia? Surf those websites arranging date and participate it? Have an advertisement calling for some lady to marry me? Or, find a monastery and be a monk there and keep celibacy for my whole life?

But you reminded me that you are faithful, just, holy and merciful. I’m blessed because you disciplined me; you never forget nor forsake me. You allow all these temptations and tests, although I failed all of them, but you never leave me behind. Instead you calling me gently, and I know your Spirit sighing, repent over them, grieve for the sins I committed over and over again, to gaze upon Jesus Christ, my completion of salvation and glory. You never reject me whenever I turn to you.

Lord God you had helped me in the past, to go through those difficult times, comfort me with your words and reminding me what you had done for me on the cross through your only begotten Son. Now I pray that you continue to help me, deliver me from my lust, from enemy around me trying their very best to bait me to their snares. Save me Lord, please, deliver me before I give up and go the way Soul did, which I pray earnestly I don’t want to do that. But I’m weak, so Lord, please, sustain me, protect me from those negative and dying thoughts, which deems your grace as nothing and forget your mercy kindness.

Lord God my heavenly Father, thank you that I’m still alive and breathing. Though my enemy, the wicked side of me, claim victory over me, but I know for sure that in the future you will crash them no more. But for now, even now, you would deliver me! Protect me, lest that I slipped, and give the chance your enemy to accuse and laugh at you. No Lord, don’t let that happen, shield me for your own glory. Help me to fight for your own glory, that enemy of us will bow before you speechlessly.

Again Lord, sustain me with your unfailing love. The covenant you have with me in Lord Jesus Christ, I pray that you keep it, as you had promised me in your Word. You are faithful and trustworthy, that you told me so, but now let me experience it wholeheartedly. When all this anxiety, struggling, worry overshadow me, may your joy shine upon me like blazing sun, so that I may be refreshed and strengthened again by your Spirit and grace and able to live a holy life and die your people’s death.

In my Savior Lord Jesus Christ’s name Amen.

Proverb 23:26

My son, give me your heart
and let your eyes delight in my ways.
Proverb 23:26

Heavenly Father, humbly before you I pray, that again you accept my heart as you had demand. Forgive me for all my sins, when I chose to turn my heart away from you. Father I pray that you cleanse my heart, wash away my sins, grant me a new soul within me to follow your way.

Lord Father, please accept me for who I am, and mold me to be who you delight. Help me to keep my eyes off those lustful things, which I as holy saint should not have a look at. Lead me in your way that I will delight in your wonderful and good way, which beyond my heart could see.

Heavenly Father helps me, for you know the sorrow and pain and struggle within me. Not that your strength and Spirit are weak but mine is lame and blind and stiff-necked. May your staff not abandon me, rescue me according to your merciful love, that I may once again restored and serve you.

Praise be to you my Gentle Father, that you through your Words and your servant and your Spirit works in my heart, that I may repent before you. May this broken heart be pleasing before you so again I could dwell in your sanctuary to gaze upon your grace that I totally unworthy of.

Lord have mercy on me.